Where Did You Go?

Yea, I’ve been missing again. I’ve been a bit depressed lately and kept putting off blog posts. One in particular. I know I don’t have to post it until I’m ready. And I’m not. Not yet. But I figured I would fill you in anyways. Just on what’s been going on and why I’ve been gone again.

Last weekend (Nov. 8th) we had to put one of our dogs down. Not my Abby girl. But our family dog. Beauty. I know I haven’t ever really talked about her. But she was about 6 years old. Really young. We noticed some bloating and thought she was just blocked up. We’d take her in and everything would be fine. It wasn’t fine. She had cancer. They told us we could bring her home with pills to let her pass away here, or we could put her down. My mom was the one who took her in. She had my little sister with her. My dad left work to be there and JB and I came to see her as well. My brother decided it was all too sad for him so he stayed home. We sat in a tiny vet room with her. Passed her around. Gave her all the love and kisses that we could. Cried. A lot. We still do. In the end we decided, as a family, that it wouldn’t be fair to prolong her suffering for our sake. So we felt it was best to put her down. She wasn’t eating, she wasn’t moving, she was just bloated and uncomfortable.

It’s the first time I’ve been involved in a decision like this and experienced heartbreak like this. None of us were strong enough to be in the room with her. Now I’m regretting that decision. I really wish I would have gone in with her. To hold her and let her know how much she was loved. I know that would have made it 100 times harder. But I really hate that she went through it alone. Little Miss told my brother we were bringing her home. He assumed that meant alive. He got all kinds of excited (he’s 23 mind you) when he saw her kennel. Until he realized she wasn’t in it. He came outside and saw her box sitting on the table and asked me what was in it. I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t even tell him that was our boody girl. I just broke down again. He had to leave for an eye appointment after that. After he realized boods didn’t come home alive.

We dug her a hole in front of her favorite window (seriously she used to sit in this window and bark at all the cats in the yard. Day in and day out. That was her window). Dad carefully wrapped her little body in one of his flannels, because there’s no way we were burying her in a box. We put her tennis ball (that she always chased down the hall. She’d go sliding into the door at the end and then run back really fast, drop the ball, and bite your hand before you could throw it again) and her squeaky toy (even though she hated the damned thing. She constantly tried to hide it from us). Dad kept her favorite toy for himself. Her poor torn up old coyote. She loved that coyote. So now it’s with him at his house. Abby girl knew something wasn’t right. She watched us from the window and as soon as dad started covering Beauty, Abby started barking like a mad dog.

The house certainly hasn’t been the same without boody boo. It’s a lot more quite around here. No one sits in the window barking. I really miss it even though it drove me nuts. I also miss her weirdly soft and warm little tongue. Even though it felt weird on my cheeks. I miss the boody kisses. And her little howl when you didn’t say hi. Or nipping your fingers so you’d pet her. Her sitting pretty if she even thought there was half a chance you’d give her food. Or flipping over on her back the second you picked her up because she loved the tummy rubs. I even miss the sound of her sliding down the hallway.

Okay that’s all I can type about that right now. I’m sure there will be a picture post at some point. With more words. I just can’t do it right now.

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