Ladies and Gentlemen

Your attention, please! Hey, hi, hello ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s me! I know, I know….”but Katie, you’ve been gone for so long! Where did you go? What’s been happening?” I’m here to answer all that and more. First off, I left off with a certain post. Anyone who has been following my blog knows that I struggle with infertility. Massively. Last June, after 5 years and 1 month of trying, we found out we were pregnant ๐Ÿ™‚ Life was good. We had just bought a house and got engaged. Then boom, unexpectedly (I say unexpectedly because we honestly never thought it would happen) two pink lines. Not a close your left eye, turn in a circle three times, rub your tummy, pat your head to see it kind of line either. I mean bright pink, bam in your face, no denying it positive. Other than a missed period the only real “sign” (I say “sign” because if you know me, you know everything is a “sign”) I had was insane sleepiness. I could not stay awake for the life of me. I think in total I tested about 8 times with 3 different brands just to make sure it was actually happening. We went in, set up my first ultrasound. All that fun stuff. Took a little road trip because we had to. Got back home a few days later and I didn’t exactly feel right?ย I mean I had never been pregnant before so I wasn’t really sure what was normal and what wasn’t. We were walking around Walmart when I felt a wet spot in my pants. TMI? Nah. I’ve shared worse here. We were closer to my parents house than ours. We dropped by, I checked it out. Sure enough brown spotting. Which can be normal in early pregnancy. Brown blood is old blood. We’re totally safe… Later on we got home and took a nap, again I couldn’t stay awake! I had a dream that we had lost our little poppy. Which put me into a panic. Needless to say I woke up wanting to test just to see that line again. Before I even sat down to pee the red blood started. LOTS of it. Like there’s no way this is normal kind of bleeding. Don’t even get me started on the amount of pain involved. I still peed on the test. Super squinter of a line. I walked out to my fiancรฉ who was patiently waiting for an update. Before I could say anything I just started bawling. He hugged me and told me it would be okay. I was close to 5 weeks.

I didn’t mean to disappear. Honestly. Losing the pregnancy after trying for so long to get there just really hit me hard. I was depressed for the better part of a year. I lost two jobs because of it. Dealing with pregnant women, baby showers, and pregnant coworkers. I went into extreme avoidance mode. It was a really dark period of time for me. It’s been over a year now (miscarried July 2nd 2015) and I’m ready to get back at it. I wish I could start this off with good news and say that in the year since the miscarriage we ended up pregnant again…. but we haven’t. Right back to the same as before. BUT!!! I do have all kinds of other news to share with you ๐Ÿ™‚ So if you’ve been following me, waiting, it’s so good to see your faces again. If you’re new around here, hi ๐Ÿ™‚ Let me just say it feels good to be back!

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