Anatomy Scan!

Today I’m 20 weeks 4 days with our little rainbow baby! Which means it was time for our anatomy scan. Which unlike most make it sound, isn’t just a scan for the sex of the baby. They actually measure everything and look at all the organs. All the anatomy, head to toe. Some things were easy to know what they were, other things I had no idea. Like the kidneys. I couldn’t tell you those from anything else 😀 The ultrasound tech was awesome though and told us everything as she was looking. The heart chambers actually look pretty cool. So when all was said and done, baby is 100 percent totally healthy and on track. Not a single problem they could find. However, I do have to start taking 81 mgs of aspirin daily until about 36 weeks. My blood pressure likes to spike a bit sometimes. Nothing too major, just my systolic gets a tad higher than they like to see. It’s mostly a prevent a problem before there’s a problem measure. No biggie.

Now the news everyone has been waiting for. What is baby bean!?! I knew we wouldn’t be able to wait until Thanksgiving 😀 mostly me… I admit that. Turns out baby is definitely a girl! My fiance and I couldn’t be more thrilled. We really would have been happy either way, especially after everything we’ve been through. But now it’s like this once little blob on the screen is a little person. She looks like a person, she even already has a name! I won’t post it for privacy, but yea. She’s more and more real and developing into this incredible little person. I’ll never stop being amazed by her ❤



Officially halfway tomorrow 🙂 Never imagined I’d be here, but here we are! On the 3rd we had a bit of a scare and went to the ER. I was having some really intense abdominal pain. Like the worst pain I’ve felt this entire pregnancy. I tried every suggestion to get it to stop and after 5 hours it just wasn’t letting up. So we made the choice to be seen. Which isn’t an easy one to make for a lot of reasons and then the what if it’s totally normal and I look like a dingus fear, but the panic was real. My heartrate was 150 by the time we got in there because I was just super freaking out that something was seriously wrong. Thankfully there weren’t many people there so I wasn’t taking space away from someone who really needed it. The triage nurse was amazing. He saw how upset I was and offered to try the Doppler to help calm me down. Thankfully babys heartrate was 144 and perfect. I cried my eyes out hearing it. Then I had to sit in the lobby all red eyed and puffy faced looking like a crazy lady. Once I got called back the doc did some poking around, which really didn’t feel good. Then he did a quick ultrasound to make sure everything was okay and nothing was happening. He let me see our little bean flipping around and kicking which calmed me down a lot more. Pelvic exam, everything came back fine. He chalked it up to really intense round ligament pains. Which made me feel better but also a bit silly. Because it was something so simple and normal. The pains continued through the night, but were gone by morning. Since then they’ve come and gone but not nearly as intense as they were that day.

So thankfully baby and I are both totally 100% okay! I did find out that in addition to a uterus that’s tipped to the back (which should be straightened out by now) I also have an anterior placenta. Which just means it’s in the front and kind of cushions everything. Which bummed me out because I thought it would take forever to feel any kind of movement. I had been feeling some light flutters here and there but nothing too strong. This past week I’ve been feeling movement a lot more. Much stronger. My fiance and my ma were both able to feel it from the outside so that was pretty amazing 🙂 My fiance will lay there forever with his hand on my stomach just waiting. Then he excitedly tells me where he felt it. I cannot explain to you how much relief I feel when baby moves. Little “hey, I’m here and okay” movements. It’s a huge load of stress gone. I’m able to tell the difference in kicks, elbows, and flips now.

Here in about 4 more days we have our anatomy scan and I’m so ready to see our bean again! I’m not entirely like goo goo over finding out the sex of the baby so if we don’t get a good look, I’ll be alright. People keep asking me what I think it is, a baby…. no like what do you want it to be? Well I’ve waited so many years for this, I don’t really care as long as it’s healthy. Boy, girl, doesn’t matter to me. I’m trying to find a subtle way to announce at thanksgiving. Only reason we choose that day is the fact that we have a huge family and that’s the one time they’ll all be in the same place at the same time. Makes it easier to tell everyone at the same time. But I don’t want to make it this huge to do kind of thing. Like maybe a simple shirt or something. Everyone else is more excited about the sex than we are 😀

We have a few names picked but we haven’t told anyone. They aren’t really set in stone yet. We still have time! Haha baby is currently kicking the crap out of me as I lay here typing this 😀 Okay so for now, that’s about all I have. I’ll be back after our next appointment with more updates! Here’s a half way bump pic. Haha it’s still so small! I know it won’t stay that way, so I need to enjoy it while I can! 20171108_081442



17 weeks 3 days

I went missing again, there hasn’t been much to update on. Still pregnant. Still tired. I thought the second trimester would bring some relief. In ways it has, but my energy levels are still screwy. I sleep so much. Not solid sleep, because I can’t get comfortable and then I have to pee… a lot… insomnia hits some nights. Nothing too horrible though. The all day nausea is finally over. My appetite is back up. Which is good. In 17 weeks I’ve gained about 10 pounds. My bump still isn’t really showing. I’ll add my 16 week bumpdate pic at the end of this post. My 12 week and 16 week appointments were fairly quick. Just a vitals check, questions and concerns, weigh in, urine sample, and! We finally got to hear the heartbeat! At our 8 week scan we got to see the heartbeat but not hear it. So I like that when we don’t do ultrasounds, we get to listen in with the doppler. Heartrate is down to a more normal number, we started in the 180s, now it’s in the 150s.

Our anatomy scan is coming up. November 14th 🙂 We really aren’t leaning one way or the other. Just excited to finally be here. Everyone has their own thoughts though. So far it’s a pretty fair split. I’m just ready to get another peek in on our baby 😀 I haven’t seen little 626 since 8 weeks! Other than that everything has been going well. Nothing out of the ordinary. No real concerns. Lots of stretching though. Parts of me I didn’t even know I had are stretching 😀 It’s not the most comfortable, but it also doesn’t really hurt. Overall this is a pretty boring update. Sorry about that…

We’ll be waiting to announce the sex until Thanksgiving. We figure it’ll be easier since both families will be together in one place then. Easier to tell them all at once. We’ll do a social media announcement later for out of state family and friends. Then I’ll probably zip over here the next day to let y’all know 🙂


First Appointment

I have been a mess leading up to today. I won’t lie to you. I understand why they wait until 8 weeks, but still. It’s so hard to not worry about things when you don’t know how things are going. I had a hard time sleeping. It felt like I was 6 again and it was Christmas Eve 😀 Thankfully time flew by and it was time to go before I knew it. Traffic wasn’t bad at all on the way there. Thank goodness. Got there on time. Checked in. The receptionist said what I was hoping to hear. “Hold your pee until the ultrasound.” Oh yes, today will be a good day! After about 20 minutes they called my name. My mother, sister, and fiance went back with me. They tried an abdominal ultrasound, but it turns out my uterus is tilted to the back. I’ve had ultrasounds before and this has never been mentioned to me. We did get to see the flicker of the heartbeat. Yes… I cried my face off.

The tech had me pee and prepared me for a transvaginal ultrasound. This is where it gets good. Our baby instantly popped up on the screen. Little heart just beating away. Guys, it was the single most amazing thing I have experienced up until this point in my life. I totally lost it. I saw exactly what I had hoped to see. A happy healthy baby, where it should be, growing as it should be, with a really strong heartbeat. I cannot explain to you how much weight has been lifted off of me. Instant calm, instant relief. Our perfect little baby. Heart rate was 182. I’m about 8 weeks 3 days, my new due date is March 30th 2018. The doc said everything looks absolutely perfect. Exactly what she wanted and likes to see. The yolk sac is still present, this is totally normal and it will go away as the placenta takes over. Answered all of my questions and then some.

All in all today was incredible. Aside from having a bunch of stuff shoved up in me, tons of exams and tests, and a hefty blood draw 😀 That part wasn’t so fun. It’s hours later and I’m still feeling drained. It was just a big day mentally, emotionally, and physically. Totally worth it. We are beyond in live with our little love bug. Our next appointment is 4 weeks from now. I already can’t wait 🙂 20170821_22203220170821_222050



What happened was…

So I’ve said several times I would try to be more consistent with this blog again, then I went missing for a bit. Now I’m back with some pretty big news. Anyone who has followed this blog knows I’m no stranger to infertility. I managed to get pregnant in 2015 and suffered an early loss. Well… after 86 months of trying, that’s 7 years 2 months for anyone wondering… WE’RE PREGNANT! Yes WE. Even though I’m the one carrying the child, he’s still just as responsible for this child, and he played a part in creating this life. So WE are pregnant. I’ll be 8 weeks tomorrow and have my first OB appointment 🙂 We’re a bunch of nervous balls of excitement. Assuming traffic won’t be horrendous. We live in Oregon and it’s expected there will be an extra million people in the state. Traffic in areas has already been insane. On top of wildfires. It’s all out madness.

Details, details. Yea. I’m getting there. So I honestly didn’t think anything was up. The day before my period was due we went and bought pads. I even put one on thinking my period was coming. That day I got into an argument with a family member that ended with a teenager style meltdown. I mean slamming doors and crying. Not a proud moment. I’m not a crier. Legit. I’ve known my fiance for 13 years and he’s only seen me cry maybe 2 or 3 times for totally reasonable reasons. Like when we lost our first pregnancy. I thought maybe it’s just a really bad bout of PMS?

July 24th, the day before my Fiance’s birthday. D day. I wake up as usual. Cramping a bit. Nothing like usual. Getting ready to put a new pad on for the day. My handy dandy stock of pregnancy tests (because I always test the day AF is due. Habit from the last 7 years) grab one, because again, habit. Get to the bathroom. Open it up, prepare myself. Thinking nothing of it. Pee, set it down, rub the sleep from my eyes. Glance over. The urine is moving slowly across the window. Popped positive before the urine even hit the control line. I rub my eyes again thinking I’m just not awake yet and seeing things. Stand up and flush. Grav the test for a proper look. Two lines. Not even a faint line, much darker than my first pregnancy. What. The. Fuck! Is this real life? Am I dreaming?

I go running into our room, jumped on our bed. Shook my fiance awake. Shoved the test in his face. By this time I’m bawling. Like hideous bawling. He’s not awake, has no idea what the hell I just shoved at him. I’m like “do you see it? Is it there!?!” He says “oh yea! That’s a dark line!” Sobbing, straight sobbing, pretty sure I told him I couldn’t breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. I manage a weak ass “happy early birthday!” Safe to say he was wide awake after that 😀 We got official doctors confirmation on his birthday.

So here we are now. 8 weeks tomorrow with our first appointment. So far it’s been a lot of growing pains, my boobs feel like they’ll hurt for the rest of my life, I pee loads, I’m super emotional. Legit everything makes me cry. I’m constantly nauseous but always starving. I have yet to throw up yet. Sometimes I think I’d feel better if I did 😀 Constipation, bloating, and gas…totally real issues. I base a good day off of whether or not I pooped that day 😀 People I haven’t spoken to in ages are suddenly very interested in how I’m doing. Pretty much everything revolves around how are you, how’s the baby?

Well I’m doing alright. Slightly terrified. Mostly excited. Baby, I assume, is just in there doing its own little thing. Growing like crazy. You know. I haven’t seen or heard it yet so I just assume all is well. I pretty much feel like poo all the time, so that’s a good thing 😀

I’ll probably totally change the direction of this blog to document my pregnancy, birth, and parenting stories. I’m sure we’re in for a hell of a ride ❤ Some of my test’s so far. I’ve actually been taking one a week now until my appointment just to ease my mind. Plus I love seeing it come up positive. It’s been a lot of years in the making. Don’t judge me! 55448

Namaste, Bitches

Y’all, I may or may not be slowly losing my damn mind. Like biting my tongue so much I’m shocked I still have a fucking tongue. Lets back up just a touch. Okay so I’ve been sick. Nothing major just a minor head cold I picked up from a younger sibling. We’re all doing much better now, I’ll have to check in on her mom though. She wasn’t doing so well a few days ago. Hopefully she’s feeling better by now!

My fiance taught me how to fish with a big girl rod 😀 I should explain. I was a child, maybe about 8 the last time I went fishing. Back in the day with the super sweet Scooby poles. You remember, you push a button and fling. The line comes out. Easy peasy. I’d never used an adult pole in my adult life. We want to be more active and fishing is included. I had a few really stupid questions such as “umm there’s no button on here….how do I make it go?” Which actually turns out to be much easier than I thought! So I’ve graduated to an adult rod! We’ve gone out these last 2 or 3 weekends, I think. We haven’t caught any fish yet. He did get to touch a duck though. This one spot we go to is frequented by these 2 geese and a duck. I’m not sure why this duck swims with the geese, they’re assholes to him. Anyways. They seem to be used to being around people. They’re kinda chill like that. Kinda, because they’re still assholes to this duck. So yea. He got to touch a duck. Then I promptly made him sanitize his hands 😀 Yea I carry that shit with me. Everywhere. You never know when you’ll need it.

I’ve jumped on this weight gain journey. I’m about 5 foot 9. I weigh 115 on a good day. I’ve asked my doctor about 10 thousand times if there’s something wrong with me, I can’t gain weight. They’ve assured me 10 thousand times that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am 100% healthy. All my levels are where they need to be, everything checks out. Either way I would like to weigh a more normal weight. I’ve added Ensure to my lifestyle changes. One of many on this quest. I’m not using it as a meal replacement, but as a supplement. Sometimes it’s easier to get extra calories by drinking them rather than eating them. So we’ll see how that goes. If I’m brave enough I’ll post before and during pictures. It’s going to take time but I’m going to make it happen! My minimum goal is to add 20 pounds. Ideally I’d like to add 30. At this point any weight gain is a major plus.

Father’s day happened just yesterday. That’s a day I don’t want to touch up on. Like the huge long overly mushy I love my family type post. It would just take too long because I have way too many dads in my life that I’d want to acknowledge. I will say that my father absolutely hates a certain thing that sounds like schedible schrrangments. Every time he sees the commercial for these he says how fucking stupid they are and how he never fucking wants one. His words. So for the last 6 years I’ve always joked that I’m getting him one. Yesterday was finally the day. We made it 2 hours before they closed. When we got home he was taking a nap so we put it in the fridge and left him a note “Happy Father’s Day! Here’s that stupid fucking schedible schrrangment you never wanted -R&K” 😀 He loved it. And yes he’s actually eating it. I know, I’m impressed as well.

Umm… I’m not sure anything else has happened. OOOOH! Yes. Yes it did! OH MY GOSH! Y’all… y’alllllll…. Alright, listen to this. This is the most fucked up thing. I swear. It’s no secret I have OCD. I’m very picky about my hands and touching certain things, the way things feel on my hands. GERMS! Okay. I’m cleaning the house. It’s a decent Oregon day. Meaning cold, grey, gloomy. Beautiful. Now with a toddler in the house its not uncommon to find all kinds of food on the floor after she leaves. Usually I just pick up the big stuff and put it in my pocket while I’m vacuuming. So it’s light enough outside I didn’t really need the lights on. I bend down to pick up what I think is a piece of cookie. Y’all. I wish I was joking. I really do. The second I touched this “cookie” I knew damn well it wasn’t a cookie! I went from totally cool to losing my damn mind in .2 seconds. I didn’t even know what it was at this point. I instantly dropped it. Terrified to actually look at it. I just kept telling my other sister “that wasn’t a cookie! That. Wasn’t. A. Cookie!” She’s looking at me like I’m a straight up loon. I gather myself and bend down to look. IT. WAS. A. FUCKING. DEAD. MOTH! I picked up a dead fucking moth with my hands! I could have cried. I had to wash my hands 3 times. Under nails, up to elbows, hottest water I could stand. Lesson learned.

As soon as I can figure out how to word the things I want to say, I’ll explain the whole namaste thing. There’s just so much to that. I don’t even know where to start. I just need to step back. Take a breathe. Just be cool. Mellow out. Okay, so until next time!


Lets Play Catch…

Up. Get it? The title links with the post… I’m so clever. Okay, no, seriously. Before I can start sharing where I’m at right now, I have to fill you in on what has happened since I went missing. I’ve had a few posts here and there about it so this shouldn’t take too long.

Right. So for starters I’ve been with RE for a bit over two years now. We’re both about to be 27, we met when we were 14. Our parents worked together and became friends. They Romeo and Juliet-ed us. Not like in a warring families kind of way, but like a stay the heck away from each other kind of way. Teen dating drama or some weird shit like that. Anyways. We’ve stayed in touch over the years. He’s always been a great friend. We went through similar situations and that actually kind of brought us together. Our dating story cut short: He’s amazing. He and my father are the best of friends and it actually kind of makes me want to puke. In a that’s so cute and weird kind of way. Think Cory and Topanga… and Shawn… Wherein my father is Shawn…

Okay, now that we have that part established. We were engaged about 4 months after we started dating because we weren’t fucking strangers who had just met. We’ve known each other for something like 13 years now. He’s been my best friend since forever. Duh. Had it been some dude I had just met 4 month prior trying to ask me to marry his crazy ass, I’d have left him on the spot. Like whoa, bruh you don’t even KNOW me! Cool your jets, turbo. 2 years minimum to sign up for that kind of commitment from this girl.

Something like a week after he proposed (which was amazing by the way and totally true to who we are. He proposed penguin style, y’all. Like searched for the perfect pebble and all that. Melted my heart!) we bought a house together. Nothing fancy. Just a 2 bed, 2 bath. Semi gated community. I say semi gated because the side gates are always open and any old Joe could walk in at any time. So it wasn’t anything special. But they did have a no soliciting sign posted for the whole community and that’s a pretty big plus, folks!

I think we moved in like June 26th 2015 or around there. Sounds right to me… June 30th 2015 we finally realized my period was quite a bit late. We were so caught up in being engaged and BUYING our first house, it didn’t even dawn on us. So we, well I, took a test. All that jazz. Yea. Positive. A few days later and a lot of other positives, we’re pregnant. After 5 years and 1 month of trying. Just a bit over 5 weeks. Until we lost the pregnancy.

Cue my major depression. Which led to a lot of things happening. Like me leaving two jobs. One of which was by far the best and highest paying job I’ve ever had in my life and I fucking loved it. BUT the only lady in the office who was also of childbearing age decided to announce she was pregnant around my due date. So I lost my shit. I actually contemplated my ability to crawl out this itty bitty window in the break room. I’m certain I could have fucking octopused my way through had it come down to it. I had to sit at my desk for a full day pretending like I wasn’t crying. Yea. Game over. Couldn’t hack it. I will admit I was weak. I really couldn’t do it.

Then R was having issues at his work. Right. I don’t want to get too much into his stuff on here. But they gave him the option: Either be fired or walk away, which will look better on your resume. So he walked. With his head held high! Soooo… we had this brilliant idea to get an RV of some kind. We’d give everything back (the house, the car, everything) and we’d make our way across America, doing odd jobs off Craigslist to keep us going. Sounds fucking amazing right? Like who doesn’t wish they could that shit in their lifetime? Well… it’s not all that easy as it turns out. Like it actually requires a lot of planning. And supportive families. Neither of our families wanted us gone for anything more than a weekend 😀

So we didn’t do any of that. We grabbed a tent and an air mattress. Packed up what little of our house we actually cared about and left the rest behind. We stayed at his family’s for a bit. They had an unfinished shed/mancave type building that we stayed in for a few months. Until we couldn’t do that anymore. Around Nov. some crazy bullshit went down, resulted in me having to give my Abby girl to a new home. Because some people just can’t mind their own business. Even though everything was resolved in a way that worked for everyone. I don’t want to get into it. It still fucking pisses me off and breaks my heart. Anyways…

We currently live with my parents 🙂 Which works really well for us actually. And then… there’s always an “and then” isn’t there? My brother and his girlfriend moved in. Now that’s a topic I’m not even going to touch with a 10 foot pole. Not my life, not my business. But it does tend to make things a LOT more hectic. Like our once nice flow is all disrupted and chaotic. Which drives me pretty much bonkers. But it’s whatever. Life is life and life is beautiful. We just keep smiling. Which probably makes us look insane.

Maybe a tad bit longer than I had planned on, but I think that’s really about all you need to be caught up on. Oh just for anyone wondering, yes R is working again. Has been for quite some time now. He works from late afternoon to just after midnight, sometimes later. So my schedule matches his. He’s looking for a day job instead so we can both work. Two incomes are better than one! For now I do some at home type work that gets me a little bit of income here and there. Every little bit helps 🙂

With love, XOXO